HODGEPODGE:  A mixture of interesting wisdoms, poetry, cartoons and stories relating to our era.....

 

 

                             FRIENDS WITH YOU.....by John Denver

 

      ....WHAT A FRIEND WE HAVE IN TIME

      GIVES US CHILDREN, MAKES US WINE

TELLS US WHAT TO TAKE OR LEAVE BEHIND 

 

         AND THE GIFTS OF GROWING OLD

          ARE THE STORIES TO BE TOLD

OF THE FEELINGS MORE PRECIOUS THEN GOLD

 

FRIENDS I WILL REMEMBER YOU, THINK OF YOU

                               PRAY FOR YOU

       AND WHEN ANOTHER DAY IS THROUGH

           I'LL STILL BE FRIENDS WITH YOU....

 

 

THE SHAMPOO SHAPE-UP

Check your shampoo bottle label.  I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner.  It''s the shampoo I use in the shower!  When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body and (duh!) printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning:  FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY-- No wonder I have been gaining weight!   Well!   I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish soap instead.  Their label reads:  DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.

 

Problem Solved....If I don't answer the phone, I'll be in the shower!

 

 

THIS IS A FUN WEBSITE - CHECK IT OUT!

Go to the website www.vPike.com .  It will show you where you grew up or anywhere else, as it looks now...just enter the state, city, state zip code, if known, and "travel".  You can double click and "walk" down the street.

     ...I CHOSE THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED...NOW WHERE THE HECK AM I? 

 

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN...?

1.  It took five minutes for the TV to warm-up?

2.  All the girls had ugly gym uniforms?

3.  Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school?

4.  When a quarter was a decent allowance?

5.  You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?

6.  All your male teahers wore neckties?

7.  "Oly -oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense?

8.  A foot of snow was a dream come true?

9.  A baseball card, in the spokes, transformed a bike into a motorcycle?

10.  Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe?

11.  Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?

12. Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles?

 

 

OBSERVATIONS OF GROWING OLDER...

THE OLDER WE GET, THE FEWER THINGS SEEM WORTH WAITING IN LINE FOR.

YOUR KIDS ARE BECOMING YOU...AND YOU DON'T LIKE THEM.  BUT YOUR GRANDCHILDREN ARE PERFECT.

YELLOW BECOMES THE BIG COLOR...WALLS, HAIR, TEETH.

EVENTUALLY YOU REACH A POINT WHERE YOU STOP LYING ABOUT YOUR AGE, AND START BRAGGING ABOUT IT.

WHEN PEOPLE SAY YOU LOOK GREAT...THEY ADD "FOR YOUR AGE".

YOU FORGET NAMES...BUT ITS "OK", BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE FORGET THEY EVEN KNOW YOU.

YOU ASK YOUR SPOUSE OR FRIENDS HOW YOUR OUTFIT LOOKS AND THEY TELL YOU THE TRUTH.

THE LAST TWO OUTFITS YOU WORE HAD SPOTS ON THEM.

WHEN YOU NEEDED  THE DISCOUNT, YOU PAID FULL PRICE...NOW YOU GET DISCOUNTS ON EVERYTHING.

THE FIVE POUNDS YOU WANTED TO LOSE IS NOW FIFTHTEEN, AND YOU HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF LOSING YOUR KEYS THAN THE WEIGHT.

BEFORE YOU GO ANYWHERE YOU MAKE SURE TO BRING YOUR EYEGLASSES.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE GETTING OLDER WHEN EVERYTHING EITHER DRIES UP OR LEAKS.

 

PARENTING....BEEN THERE...DONE THAT!

FEW THINGS ARE MORE SATISFYING THEN SEEING YOUR CHILDREN HAVE TEENAGERS OFTHEIR OWN.

A TWO YEAR OLD IS KIND OF LIKE HAVING A BLENDER.

HAVING A BABY CHANGES THE WAY YOU VIEW YOUR IN-LAWS.  I LOVE IT WHEN THEY COME OVER TO VISIT NOW. THEY CAN HOLD THE BABY AND I CAN GO OUT.

A QUOTE FROM ROSEANNE BARR:  "I FIGURE THAT IF THE CHILDREN ARE ALIVE WHEN I GET HOME, I'VE DONE MY JOB."

I TAKE MY CHILDREN EVERYWHERE, BUT THEY FIND THEIR WAY HOME.

NEVER LEND YOUR CAR TO ANYONE TO WHOM YOU HAVE GIVEN BIRTH.

TELLING A TEENAGER THE FACTS OF LIFE IS LIKE GIVING A FISH A BATH.

THE INTERESTING THING ABOUT BEEING A MOTHER IS THAT  EVERYONE WANTS PETS, BUT NO ONE BUT ME CLEANS THE KITTY LITTER.

 

 

VINCE LOMBARDI QUOTES -

IF IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO WINS OR LOSES, THEN WHY DO THEY KEEP SCORE?

IF YOU AREN'T FIRED WITH ENTHUSIASM, YOU WILL BE FIRED WITH ENTHUSIASM.

IF YOU CAN ACCEPT LOSING, YOU CAN'T WIN.

ONCE YOU LEARN TO QUIT, IT BECOMES A HABIT.

PREFECTION IS NOT ATTAINABLE, BUT IF WE CHASE PERFECTION WE CAN CATCH EXCELLENCE.

PRACTICE DOES NOT MAKE PERFECT.  ONLY PERFECT PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT.

SHOW ME A GOOD LOSER, AND I'LL SHOW YOU A LOSER.

SUCCESS DEMANDS SINGLENESS OF PURPOSE.

THE GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT IS NOT IN NEVER FAILING, BUT IN RISING AGAIN AFTER YOU FALL.

THE HARDER YOU WORK, THE HARDER IT IS TO SURRENDER.

THE MEASURE OF WHO WE ARE IS WHAT WE DO WITH WHAT WE HAVE.

THE ONLY PLACE SUCCESS COMES BEFORE WORK IS IN THE DICTIONARY.

WE DIDN'T LOSE THE GAME, WE JUST RAN OUT OF TIME.

WINNERS NEVER QUIT AND QUITTERS NEVER WIN.

WINNING IS NOT EVERYTHING, BUT WANTING TO WIN IS.

WE WOULD ACCOMPLISH MANY MORE THINGS IF WE DID NOT THINK OF THEM AS IMPOSSIBLE.

 

SERENITY

REPORTERS INTERVIEWING A 104 YEAR OLD WOMAN: 'and what do you think is the best thing about beng 104?' THE REPORTER ASKED, SHE SIMPLY REPLIED, "NO PEER PRESSURE".

THE NICE THING ABOUT BEING SENILE IS YOU CAN HIDE YOUR OWN EASTER EGGS.

I FEEL LIKE MY BODY HAS GOTTEN TOTALLY OUT OF SHAPE, SO I GOT MY DOCTOR'S PERMISSION TO JOIN A FITNESS CLUB AND START EXERCISING.  I DECIDED TO TAKE AN AEROBICS CLASS FOR SENIORS.  I BENT, TWISTED, GYRATED, JUMPED UP AND DOWN, AND PERSPIRED FOR AN HOUR.  BUT, BY THE TIME I GOT MY LEOTARDS ON, THE CLASS WAS OVER.

MY MEMORY'S NOT AS SHARP AS IT USE TO BE.  ALSO, MY MEMORY'S NOT AS SHARP AS IT USED TO BE.

KNOW HOW TO PREVENT SAGGING?  JUST EAT TILL THE WRINKLES FILL OUT.

IT'S SCARY WHEN YOU START MAKING THE SAME NOISES AS YOUR COFFEE MAKER.

THESE DAYS, ABOUT  HALF THE STUFF IN MY SHOPPING CART SAYS, "FOR FAST RELIEF".

 

ODD LAWS OF NATURE

Law of Mechanical Repair:  After your hands become coatd with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity:  Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the lease accessible place in the universe.

Law of Proability:  The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers:  If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal - and someone else answers.

Law of the Bath:  When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Variation Law:  If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of Close Encounters:  The probability of meeting soemone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:  When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!